


The only hope for me is you

by fear_her_blurryface



Category: Gerard Way Fandom
Genre: Depression, F/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-18 22:31:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13109829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fear_her_blurryface/pseuds/fear_her_blurryface
Summary: Even in the darkest hour of your exsitence you'll find light, when you're found by a human beeing who is able to see.Dear BattyJade, thank you for your friendship. I'm so happy we found each other.I wish you a very merry christmas.:-)





	The only hope for me is you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BattyJade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BattyJade/gifts).



Gerard was depressed. Since a few months he feels the world around him is going to fall apart in darkness. Every day becomes a darker shade. The people around him becoming more and more hollow, turning into ghosts till they fade into nothingness. And all what remains was pitchblack night.   
He can’t remember the days of happiness, feel the warmth of sunbeams on his tan skin and how it was to greet every new day with a smile on his lips.

He stops to eat. It was meaningless, anyway. Why feet a body he wants to left behind, so desperatly?  
He stops to care about himself, completely. It doesn’t need much time to turn himself in a messed up shadow without any light and hope in his tired soul.

It was a dark night in autumn when he decided to end it all. He was so so tired of his own exsistence. The constant feeling of beeing useless and worthless, nothing more than a waste of space and air.  
He went outside into the dark night, a cold wind was hitting his worn out body. But he doesn’t feel it anymore. He was already cold and death inside.  
His right hand was playing with a razor blade buried deep into the pocket of his black skinny jeans. 

He walks along a dark and abandoned alley, heading to their end. There was a big old oak waiting patiently for him in the darkness.  
When he reached her he sat down to the ground, leaning his back on the trunk. He sighed when he pulls the razor blade out of his pocket, the cold steel reflecting the pale moonlight.

He starts to let the blade sink into his left underarm, blood was spilling out immediately. Then all of a sudden he was stopped in his motion by a soft, warm hand, which someone has placed in front of the blade, so he couldn’t cut further. „Please, don’t…“ a soft female voice whispered in his ear. He turned his head and was met with a pair of blue eyes. They sparkled like ice in the sunshine. There was no anger or panic, in them. Just understanding. 

He was completely paralized when the strange women, starts to remove the blade carefully out of his hand and throw it away. Then she placed a hankerchief over the cut. His eyes met hers again, and he starts to cry. She embraced him in a comfortable hug, while she starts to stroke his hair, no matter how greasy they where. They stay like this for a while till he heared her say „ Come, beautiful soul. Let’s take you home“  
He looked at her in disbelieve. „Why do you helping me?“ „Because you need help“ was her simple answer. „But why do you care about some messed up stranger?“ „Cause I use to act this way“ she replied with a shrug of her shoulders. „ What’s your name?“ she asks softly. „ Ger…Gerard. And yours?“ „ Jade“.

For some reason it was a warm and safe feeling, walking home with her. She holds him all the way with her arm sneaked around his back and when they entered his house she didn’t seem to care about the messy state inside.   
„ Bathroom?“ she asks softly with a little smile around her lips. „ Upstairs“ Gerard managed to reply, still wondering, if all of this was just a dream.

When she starts to remove his clothes carefully, he didn’t feel embarrassed. Her feather light touches felt comfortable and she radiated pure safety. She helped him to enter the comfortable warm bathtube an he relaxed immediately into the water, closing his eyes. He didn’t notice she has left the bathroom just to return some minutes later with some briefs and a T-shirt for him.  
He looked suprised at her and was met with a soft and warm smile. She sat next to him at the rim of the bath tube and starts to wash his hair carefully. He can’t suppress a moan, while she was massaging his scalp and he heard a soft giggle. „ Do you enjoy it?“ she asks with a little laugh in her voice. „Hmmm…“ was the only reply, he was able to give, to distracted with pleasure.  
After getting out oft he bath, Jade vetted his cut, while Gerard looked at her, still asking himself, if she was real.

„ Thank you – for everything“ he said suddenly. She looked at him in suprise and replied almost whispering: „ You’re very welcome, Gerard“, giving him  
a shy smile.   
He can’t resist to embrace her in a tight hug. She relaxed in his arms and he could feel her heart beating against his chest. It feels so safe and soothing and unfortunately he can’t suppress a yawn. He heard Jade giggling softly. „ Ah Gee, I guess the Sandman is waiting for you. Did he?“ He looked at her with a raised eyebrow and a soft smile played around his lips. „ Gee? - Sounds good.“ Then he starts to sing softly „ Mr. Sandman, send me a dream… “ and looked at her in awe and smiled even wider. She smiled back, and they left the bathroom. 

During the short walk to the bedroom Gerard realized, the evening had turned into something he didn’t dare to believing in, anymore. Into hope.   
He sighed when he sat down on his bed, feeling a heavy tiredness in his limbs. Jade sat next to him rubbing his back and forcing him lightly to lay down. He smelled clean bedsheets and was wondering, when she has found the time to change them. She smiled warmly at him while she covered him in a cosy blanket. „Sleep well, Gee“ Jade said in a low voice and got ready to left the room.

Gerard starts to panic. He don’t want her to go. He was afraid of what was waiting for him behind the dark veils oft he night.   
He grabbed her wrist and begged with a trembling voice: „ Please…“ She turned around and looked at him in suprise. Her blue eyes sparkle in the soft light, radiating from the bedside lamp. „ Please,… stay with me.“ He looked so desperate and lost, her heart ached. Jade let slide her hand into his, squeezing it lightly. She sat back down on the bed and starts to take off her shoes, while Gerard backed away to give her space to lay down next to him. As she found a comfortable position Gerard layed his head carefully on her shoulder. Jade snaked her left hand under his neck and starts to stroke his black hair from behind. The feeling of safety rushed back into his soul and he sighed relieved. „ Thank you for saving me“ he murmured into her chest. „ Thank you for staying alive“ she replied with warm honesty in her voice. Jade continued to stroking his hair and he closed his eyes, his eyelids to heavy, to keep them open. Before he fell asleep he heared her say: „ Sleep well, beautiful soul.“

When he woke up the next day, the side next to him was empty. He rubbed his eyes and his heart dropped. „It was just a dream“ he murmured to himself and felt like the sadness grabs at him, again. His sick brain has played stupid games with him and he was at the brim of tears. How ever could he really believed, a completely stranger would care about some suicidal idiot who tried to slit his wrist in the middle oft he night at the dark end of a lonely alley?  
He looked down at the gauze and was wondering about the way she was fixed. He didn’t treat his wounds this way.

Gerard left the bed and made his way downstairs to the living room. His eyes went wide, as he found the room perfectly cleaned up. He smelled coffee and entered the kitchen. He looked around the room which was as clean the living room. Beside the thermos bottle with the coffee he found a empty, clean mug waiting for him.   
While his brain still tried to catch up to the situation he hearded a muffled sound coming from the living room.  
He went back to the living room carefully, not sure what he’s going to discover inside.   
When Gerard reached the couch he started to smile. At the same time tears start running down his cheeks. He sat on the also cleaned coffee table in front of the couch and watched the sleeping women who lay there, still holding a dishtowel in her hand. Her blond hair spread over a cushion like liquid gold, her lips slightly parted.

Gerard needs to touch her. To convince himself she was real, and not a dream his brain created.  
He touched her hand carefully, feeling the warm and soft skin under his fingertips. More tears ran down his cheeks and he can’t suppress a sob.  
Jade starts to stir and opened her eyes slowly. Her face turned into a worried expression, when she saw Gerard was crying, and moved in a sitting position. „Gee, what’s wr…“ but was cut off as Gerard slipped to his knees and buries his face in her lap, clinging desperately to her. „ You‘re real, you’re real…“ „Gee, of course I'm real“ she replied suprised and rubbed his back to sooth him. „ I thought you were just a dream. I woke up and you were disappeared…“ he trailed off, sobbing harder.

„Ah, I’m so sorry, I scared you.“Gerard felt a featherlight kiss on his head and lifted his face in suprise. Jade smiled warmly at him and stroked his cheek. She encouraged him to sat next to her on the couch and Gerard complied gladly.   
Gerard looked around the room again and asked her with a sniff: „ Jade, I still didn’t got it. Why you were helping me? Saved me in so many ways, and if this wasn’t enough, cleaned my house?“  
She looked down at her hands and Gerard took them carefully and squeezing them slightly to encourage her to speak. She sighed and replied:“Well,..to be honest, I saw you the first time some weeks ago, while I was walking back home from work. You looked so terrible sad, and I asked myself why, but didn’t found the courage to speak to you. Then I saw you more often, walking around like a ghost. I wanted to reach out to you, find out what’s haunting you so badly, but I can’t get over my insecurities.  
When I discovered you under the oak tree last night, I just couldn't let you kill yourself. I've known since I saw you for the first time that you're a special person. Even through your deep sadness I could feel your wonderful soul. I wanted to be there for you and show you that there's always another way than to surrender to the darkness, even if the desperation and hopelessness threatens to tear you to pieces."

Gerard cocked his head and said sympathetically, "That sounds like you know what you're talking about." She lowered her eyes, again and answered;” Yes I know, what I’m talking about.” He embraced her and hugged her tight. Now he realized why Jade had stayed so calm when she had stopped him from push the razor blade further into his arm. Why she instinctively knew how to help him. "Oh, Jade," he murmured in her ear "If you want, I want to be there for you, too." 

He felt her nod and gently broke away from her. She smiled shyly at him and he could see the affection sparkle in her eyes. Gerard smiled back and asked "Coffee?" Jade chuckled softly and answered "Yes, gladly." They sat for a while in a comfortable silence together on the couch and enjoyed the presence of the other when Jade looked at the clock and said "Gee I'm really sorry, but I have to go to work soon" He nodded, but then asked uncertainly "You come back in the evening, right? " She smiled and he added “ I also like to cook you dinner”. She gently stroked his cheek and replied “You’re so cute, Gee. I’ll be back in the evening because of you”. He grinned from ear to ear and Jade ruffled his hair with a warm smile.  
Gerard took her to the door when she had to leave and when Jade saw his sad face she said "Do not forget my wonderful soul: I'm only a heartbeat away", put her hand on his heart and gave him a peck on the cheek.  
With a smile, she was out the door and stepped out into the sunny morning. Gerard looked after her and for the first time in months he greeted the new day with a smile.


End file.
